


Before I Ever Met You

by TheoreticalMindGames



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Romance, Breakup, But with a happy ending, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Klance au, M/M, Nurse Lance (Voltron), Slow Burn, but fairly minor, keith works with computers, klance, lots of feelings, lowkey smut, nothing too hardcore, small mentions of depression and suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:17:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoreticalMindGames/pseuds/TheoreticalMindGames
Summary: Lance had pressed the big reset button and was bound to make his new life in a new city as good and normal as possible.Then he sees his ex at a new years eve party and his plans get thrown out the window.





	1. Before I Ever Met You...

**Author's Note:**

> this was based off two songs, Before I Ever Met You by Banks & Shelter, Continued by Luca Fogale   
> They are both very different but go give them a listen cause they're both killer songs 
> 
> enjoy

  
  


NOW 

 

_ What’s left here, for us? _

_ -Luca Fogale  _

  
  
  


The turn of the year was a time for starting over. A time to discover new parts of yourself. To recover old habits that you lost over time. To reinvent yourself and get excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. 

 

At least that’s how Lance liked to look at it. He liked new and exciting. Fresh and unexplored. It got his heart going and it made him feel alive. Like he was worth something. It made him want to conquer the world. It made him wanna wear his best each day. It put a little spring in his step. It made him swing his arms a little more as he walked. 

 

All these things rolled through his mind as he carried a particularly heavy box up the stairs to his new apartment. Hunk was right behind him, carrying what looked to be a significantly lighter box, and Lance wondered how that happened. 

 

“You good buddy?” Hunk laughed as Lance attempted to nudge the heavy door open with his shoulder. 

 

“Peachy keen my friend.” He grunted and dropped the box to the floor. The box rattled and Lance figured that it was his dishes. He grit his teeth and hoped they didn’t break. 

 

Hunk set his box on the counter and grinned at Lance. “Just one more I think in the back seat and then that’s it. 

 

Lance clapped his hands together and spun around. It smelled a little musty, and the kitchen counter was chipped in a few places. And the laminate on the bathroom floor was peeling a little near the walls. And the door squeaked whenever you open it. But other than that, the place was pretty okay. 

 

“This is gonna be good Hunk. I can feel it in the air.” 

 

“I think you’re just feeling the rain that’s supposed to come this afternoon.” 

 

Lance turned to scowl at him. “Don’t you dare dampen- heh dampen. Get it? Cause it rains here a lot?” 

 

Hunk raised an amused brow, his chest bouncing from a chuckle. “Wanna finish your sentence there bud?”

 

Finish what sent- oh right. “Don’t dampen my spirits here man, alright.” Lance shook a finger at him. “I’m feelin real good here and I don’t need you raining on my parade. Ha, raining.” He grinned. “I am killing it with the rain puns today.”

 

Hunk smiled and rolled his eyes. “Okay, well I’m gonna go get the last box. You should start unpacking.”

 

“I don’t wanna unpack!” Lance collapsed on the couch. The only true piece of furniture that was in his apartment for now. His mattress was on the floor in the bedroom. He planned to go to IKEA this weekend cause he was high-key broke and was kind of an idiot for moving to Seattle in such a shitty financial state. Whatever. He hit the big red reset button and was determined to make this good. 

  
  
  


_________

 

THEN

 

_ Everyone knows I’m right about one thing _

_ You and I don’t work out  _

_ You bring out the mean in me  _

_ I bring out your insecurities  _

_ You know what I am talking ‘bout _

_ ~ Banks  _

  
  


Everything was a mess. 

 

Lance couldn't feel his hands or feet anymore. He’d been sleeping in through morning classes- the thought of getting in a car and driving to the campus seeming near impossible. 

 

Keith had dropped off the face of the earth, only to reappear every evening to give harsh remarks and brush past Lance. 

 

Keith had been sleeping on the couch. The last time Lance had held him was after his father’s funeral. Keith had cried into his chest and Lance tried not to cry too. 

 

Time had begun to blur, day and night not mattering anymore because Lance slept all the time.  Lance cried himself to sleep each night as quietly as possible, not wanting to inconvenience anyone. 

 

Keith had made too many comments about Lance “snapping out of it.”

 

Lance avoided Keith, not daring to talk to him. Not wanting to talk to him. Not wanting to set him off. Setting him off would set Lance off. Around and around and around until they’d both tear each other up and flush them down the drain.  

 

Lance wished he didn’t wake up in the morning. 

 

Keith had been out of the apartment as much as possible. 

 

Lance felt more hopeless than ever. 

 

They were falling apart and Lance was too numb to notice. Or maybe he did. He just couldn't bring himself to care. Or maybe he did care. He just couldn't do anything about it. 

  
  


________

 

NOW

 

_ Share your dreams, friend,  _

_ Cause all of mine are lost _

_ -Luca Fogale _

 

The party was pretty chill, though the music seemed to be getting louder as the night went on. It was new years eve and he was at the party of Hunk’s coworker's... friend’s... neighbors. He thinks he got that right? Whatever. He didn’t know anyone but that’s what this was all about right? Meeting new people. Starting over. Being the newer and better version of himself. 

 

He was cradling a red cup and really feeling that teen movie aesthetic and talking with a girl with wearing a cute pair of maroon overalls. 

 

“I wish I could have the guts to just up and move.” She took a sip of her LaCroix. 

 

Lance shrugged. “Yeah, I wouldn’t say guts. More like an impulse.”  

 

“Well, I think it’s pretty cool.” She smiled, shuffling her feet from side to side. 

 

This casual flirting thing they had going on made Lance feel good. Made him feel new and fresh. And he thought he was cool. She was into him. And that made him feel good. 

 

“-And it’s like there's a mall inside the building it’s crazy!” 

 

Now she was telling him about her new job coding at Microsoft which Lance must admit is pretty fucking cool and he’s really trying to just focus on her story and not think about anyone else from his past he may have known that wanted a coding job studied it when they were in college. Anyways-

 

“-And Mara is nice but she can be kind of a bitch if you try and talk to her too much.” Lily, Lance finally got her name, giggled to herself. Which Lance found cute. “And then Caleb and Keith are all moody and a couple of workaholics and-”

 

But nope. Lance was gone because she just said Keith and he really was trying to not think of him in the first place. But then she had to go and name drop him like that and that couldn’t be his Keith, right?. Well, not his Keith let’s make that clear. Definitely not his Keith. But was it the same Keith? Keith’s a common name right? There could be plenty of Keith’s who work with computers and shit. Of course. Lance was just freaking out for no reason and now he’s tuned out the rest of Lily’s story. 

 

“- but I’m just excited to have a job that I enjoy for once.” 

 

Lance was glad she ended on a good generic phrase like that cause now he can say something that sounded like he was listening despite not hearing the bulk of it. 

 

“Yeah, that’s gotta be pretty nice.” He smiled at her, sipping his screwdriver and finishing it off. 

 

It was only an hour until midnight and people had started shots in the kitchen. Not a bad idea, but Lance didn’t want to start off his first night in a new city shit-faced so he was gonna have to hold back. He stayed with Lily and they migrated to the couch, sitting close and brushing arms as they both talked. Now that they’re closer he could see the gold sparkles around her eyes and unruly eyebrows. Natural and fun. Lance was feeling good. 

 

Throughout the night Hunk had been spotted through the crowd, chatting with people and being social. Lance was cool with that. He’s never needed a tether-friend. He could fly solo. Besides, Lily was looking very promising as a good new year’s kiss. And he was actually pretty fucking proud of himself for presenting well and not choosing some sleazy person to make out with. He’s actually having a good, flirty conversation with a cute girl. 

 

And soon enough it’s midnight and people were counting down as he leaned in and asked, “Can I kiss you,” like a real fucking gentleman. 

 

She nodded with a giddy smile on her face, cupping his neck and pressing her cold lips to his warm ones, moving softly. A good respectable kiss. Nothing wild. Nothing too crazy. A little tongue, but tasteful. And he’s kissing her and it’s good until- 

 

His lips slow and his eyes peer around Lily’s curly black hair. 

 

“-thing okay?”

 

Her voice is a little blurry. If sound could be blurry. Muddled. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. 

 

Because he’s pretty sure, pretty fucking sure but not certain- that  _ he  _ was standing there wearing all black with his hair tied back. And yeah that’s him. His hair was longer. And he was wearing glasses. But it was him. Since when did he wear glasses? Since when did he go to parties? Since when did he look so comfortable and casual out in public like this? Since when did  _ Keith  _ look so content and- 

 

“Lance?” Lily’s hand was gentle on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

 

“Um, I’m sorry- I, yeah. I’m fine.” 

 

“Was the kiss that bad?” She chuckled, in an attempt to clear the air that had become stagnant between them. 

 

Lance shook his head, still not able to tear his eyes away. “No, no it’s not-” He couldn’t finish because what was the problem? There shouldn’t have been a problem. He’s over him. Over all of it. He swore he was. So why couldn’t he calm the fuck down? Why was a lump rising up in his throat? 

 

Then their eyes were meeting- locking with a strange intensity that was not mixing well with the three drinks Lance had finished off. And Lance hated that he knew what those eyes looked like at every moment of the day. In the morning, still thick with sleep. In the evening, content and tired. At midnight, red-rimmed and swollen with tears spilling out. 

 

Keith went through all stages of recognition and confusion and worry. Lance wasn’t sure if he should move towards or away or just stay where he was. Because soon Keith was turning back to the person he was talking to. One more glance to Lance, then physically turning his body away. 

 

Which admittedly made Lance a little pissed. That he couldn’t even look him in the eye. Not that he blamed him. Lance wasn’t sure about anything at the moment. His body moved off the couch, muttering some form of “sorry be right back” to Lily and making a beeline for the bathroom. 

 

He should probably find Hunk cause he kind of felt like he was on the verge of an anxiety attack. He hadn’t had one in over six months and it started to wash over him with an uncomfortable familiarity. His cheeks were flushed red in the mirror and he splashed cold water on his face to just cool the fuck down. 

 

Sink, light, toilet, mirror frame, hand towel. 

 

Cold counter top, cool water droplets on his collarbone, clammy palms, jean buttons pressing into his stomach. 

 

A couple more breaths. Keep going. 

 

The bass of music in the living room. Clinking of glasses and bottles. 

 

The vanilla candle burning by the sink. Stale and salty sweat. 

 

Citrus and bile in his mouth. 

 

Breathe and breathe and breathe. 

 

His hands loosened their grip on the counter as he looked at himself again in the mirror. God, why was he freaking out so much? Despite being actually pretty fucking proud of himself for pulling himself out of an impending anxiety attack- a big thanks to Dr. Petrola for that little grounding trick-, he still felt like a crazy person for getting so worked up over fucking eye contact. He was on the verge of slipping over the edge because of some eye contact. Jesus Christ. 

 

Sure, it had been three-plus years since he last saw Keith but that wasn’t the point. Or he guessed, that was the point, seeing as he was now sitting on the ground and playing with the loose threads on the rug. He felt pretty pathetic for still not being over it. Cause he had himself very convinced that he was definitely over him. Turns out ‘convinced’ only meant ‘blissfully distracted’. So yeah, he felt pretty caught off guard. 

 

His phoned buzzed against his thigh. 

  
  


Unknown number - 

 

_ did i just see u or was i imagining things?  _

 

_ this is keith btw since im assuming u blocked my number  _

  
  


Jesus christ. 

 

Lance read the messages a few times. Then a couple more times. Ah what the hell. He’s already in too deep, mentally that is. 

  
  


**No, that was me.**

 

**What are u doing here.**

  
  


He added the period for extra emphasis that he was not intending to be very friendly at the moment. And it felt weird to text him something so stiff. So rigid. Lance used to text him everything and anything. Endless streams of sentences and memes and videos. 

 

So yeah it felt weird. 

  
  


_ can’t we just be adults and talk in person  _

 

_ I mean we're literally in the same house  _

  
  


The snarkiness. It was so fucking familiar and yet it felt so different. Just a touch colder. He wasn’t sure if he liked it. 

 

Lance didn’t respond but pulled himself off the bathroom floor, fixed his hair in the mirror cause fuck if he wasn’t gonna look his best when going to talk to his ex for the first time in three years. 

 

He opened the door and was hit with so much sound he almost went back into the bathroom. But no. He was gonna man the fuck up and go talk to Keith. He was half nervous half scared half intrigued. And he knew that math didn’t add up but that really wasn’t the point. 

 

He weaved through the groups of people, looking for Keith. Which is something he didn’t think he would be doing on New Year's Eve. A few people had left, having morning responsibilities like actual adults, no doubt. 

 

And then he saw Keith. Leaning against a wall and scrolling through his phone, itching his eye under his glasses. Lance didn’t want to admit that it was really cute but he couldn’t help it. Cause it was cute. It was cute how he kept tucking one piece of hair behind his ears over and over again. How he wrinkled his nose every once in a while at something on his phone. How when he yawned he had to readjust his glasses up onto his nose. 

 

What was  _ not  _ cute was how long Lance had been staring at his ex. 

 

Take a breath. Suck it up. Be the bigger man. Yadda yadda yadda. 

 

“Uh, hey?” 

 

Of course, he had to sound as unsure and nervous as possible. 

 

Keith looked up, lowering his phone and  _ woah  _ his eyes looked fucking huge. Lance wasn’t sure if it was the glasses or that he just hadn’t looked at his eyes in a while but jesus christ he was like a freaking Disney character. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

Lance’s knees were no longer in the building. Fuck. 

 

“Uh, how- uh-” also tongue. His tongue had also vacated the premises. 

 

He would have liked to say that Keith had no effect on him whatsoever but god was he wrong. He was so fucking wrong cause if Keith was attractive three years ago, well now. He just couldn’t formulate sentences in his mouth. And yeah. 

 

“How have I been?” Keith finished, smirking a little. 

 

God just shoot him now and put him out of this confusing, confusing misery. Cause he was over Keith. Wasn’t he? 

 

“Yeah, that.” Lance huffed a laugh, feeling a smidge better now that he had gotten some words to exit his mouth. 

 

Keith smirked again, pocketing his phone. “Good, actually. Working a lot. Running a lot.” He shrugged as if he was just sitting around playing video games all day. Lance had only ever seen Keith play one video game in his life and it was mario kart. He got upset that the controls were weird and never wanted to play again. 

 

“Where do you work?” A very stale but very adult question to ask. Good job Lance. 

 

“I write code for Microsoft. Mostly for the new updates and stuff for software.” Another nonchalant shrug. 

 

But Lance was not so much impressed as he was proud. Cause he knew Keith was smart. And now he was working for Microsoft. Like, literally only geniuses worked for Microsoft. 

 

“Wow, that’s pretty cool dude.” Lance wasn’t sure if he had ever called Keith “dude” in his entire life. “So you live around here now, I’m assuming?” 

 

Keith nodded. “Yeah, moved when I got the job offer about 2 years ago.” 

 

Okay. Two years ago. Two years ago Lance was living in one of the shittiest apartments in California. He had moved out of Keith and his’ apartment after Keith had left. Anyways. 

 

“What about you?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Another goddamn smirk. “Do you live here?” 

 

“Yeah, Just moved actually. To here. Not from here. Ya know.” And usually, Lance was much smoother than this but apparently not today. 

 

“That’s kinda crazy huh.” Keith said, taking a sip from a bottle. 

 

“Yeah, that we both ended up in the same place. It’s gotta be aliens fault or something.”

 

“Oh for sure.” 

 

And for a moment Lance wasn’t at a party in a new city. He was on the couch, Keith’s head on his shoulder, just chatting. 

 

But he wasn’t. And the thought made him a little sad. 

 

“You working here yet or…?”

 

“Uh, yeah I start on Monday at the clinic in the hospital downtown as a medical receptionist. Just trying to save up money to finish up school. At least that’s the plan.”

 

“Finally gonna start saving lives huh?” Keith grinned. “I had hoped you still wanted to do that.”

 

He had hoped? As in he had been thinking about Lance? 

 

“Yeah well, Nurses don’t really like, save lives I guess but, ya know, close enough. I’m nowhere near smart enough to be a surgeon.” He snickered. He only needed about two more quarters of school before he would have his nursing degree. 

 

“I think you are. But I don’t think you’re cold enough.” Keith said, giant eyes looking into him kindly. 

 

Lance felt his ears get hot, and hoped it wasn’t visible in the dim lights. “Well, thanks. I guess.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

A momentary pause as they both attempt to figure out what the heck to talk about. Of course, there were three years to go over, but was Lance allowed to talk about that? Did he wanna talk about that? 

 

“So uh, you seeing anyone?” 

 

And woah, right out of the gate. Keith was obviously not as apprehensive as Lance. 

 

“Only cause I saw you kissing that girl,” Keith quickly added afterward. Lance watched him chew on the inside of his cheek. 

 

“Uh no, I’m not seeing anyone. That was- I don’t know.” And he really didn’t know because he definitely is realizing that he just ditched Lily without really giving any explanation. And he is now realizing that that was a real dick move. 

 

“What about you?”

 

Keith shook his head. “No. Too busy.” 

 

“Too busy wearing glasses that you’ve never worn before? Oh my god are they fake and are you a Seattle hipster now?” 

 

Keith giggled and Lance’s lungs deflated. 

 

“No, uh my vision is kind of deteriorating pretty quickly. Macular degeneration.” Keith fiddled with his glasses. 

 

Lance blinked at him. Jesus. “Fuck, that- that really sucks. I’m sorry.”

 

Keith shrugged again. “Not your fault. Just something that happened.” 

 

“But that’s pretty rare. It happening to someone so young.” 

 

“Yeah, the doctor told me I’m an outlier.”

 

“You’re starting to sound like a Grey’s Anatomy episode.” Lance snickered. 

 

And it was like a switch was flipped. Because they fell into an easy rhythm of conversation and teasing. It felt so normal and familiar. Like how things used to be. Before everything started to fall apart. And it felt  _ good _ . It felt so fucking good. 

 

*

 

“No, I swear to god it was not my fault!” Keith was talking loudly now, a few more beers in his system. “He totally pushed me first!” 

 

“It sounds like you got a little punchy.” Lance giggled, knocking knees with Keith’s black jeans. They had migrated to the couch after some more people had left, continuing to talk. 

 

“I do not get punchy.”

 

“Well, then you must have gotten mouthy.”

 

“Hmm, no I think you were always the mouthy one.” 

 

And ohh boyy they had slowly been entering flirting territory but that comment just crossed them into a past-charted territory. But even after all this time away, it still felt natural. It felt familiar in a way that got Lance comfortable and excited. It got him having another drink. And another. And a shot cause why the hell not. 

 

“You guys can crash here if you want since you probably shouldn't be driving.” A guy said and Lance assumed it was the host of the party. 

 

“I live like across the street, it’s totally cool.” Keith grinned, his cheeks rosy and ponytail a little unruly. 

 

And Lance paused cause A, mr. host was right, he shouldn’t drive home. And B, Keith lived across the street. And C, Keith lived so incredibly close. And D, -

 

“-at my place?” 

 

“What?” Lance said, way too loudly. 

 

“Do you wanna sleep at my place?” Keith asked. His eyes were wide and almost pleading. It was a look Lance remembered from before they were dating. When they were in the early stages of flirting and uncertainty. 

 

“Sure.” He giggled, apparently throwing all caution to the wind- or more like tornado, and hauling himself up of the couch to travel across the street to Keith’s apartment complex. Up the stairs, which took way longer than it should have because Keith could not stop laughing. Another minute for Keith to figure how to get his key in the door. 

 

Finally, an eternity later Lance was collapsed on an unfamiliar couch. 

 

“Water. Water is good.” Keith filled up two glasses and plopped them onto the coffee table before settling in beside Lance. 

 

“Thanks for letting me stay here.” Lance stared at the ceiling because everything was starting to hit him. The fact that he was in Keith’s apartment. The fact that Keith was less than two feet away from him. Lots of facts that he wasn’t sure he liked or not. He sipped his water. Just drink your water Lance don’t get distracted don’t freak out. 

 

“Have you uh-” Keith started out, his shoulders hunching forward as he ran his finger around the rim of his water glass. “Seen anyone. Since, ya know.” He slipped his glasses off his nose and set them carefully on the table. 

 

Lance turned himself to lean his cheek against the back of the couch. “A few. Nothing lasted very long though.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to add that last bit, filter still a little loose an flapping around in his brain. 

 

“You?” 

 

Keith licked his lips. “Uh, not really to be honest.” 

 

Really? “Not a single dude you were into in the past three years?” Part of Lance was teasing and the other part was honestly a little baffled. 

 

Keith chuckled. “I mean a hookup here and there, but nothing of substance.” 

 

Lance stared at him for a second, trying to figure out if those were sad eyes or drunk eyes or just tired-Keith eyes. 

 

“For real?”

 

“You shocked?” 

 

Lance smirked. “A little? I mean, look at you.” 

 

That made Keith smile, a real blushy smile. A genuine flustered smile. And it made Lance’s heart do some confusing things. Things that shouldn’t be happening. Especially when you’ve been broken up for three years. Cause if he’s correct, his heart should totally be over Keith. ‘Should’ is the key word there. 

 

“I guess I just haven't found anyone worthwhile. And I’ve been busy.” The second sentence was definitely an afterthought, seeing as it was said at least two times as fast as the first sentence. 

 

“You’ll find someone,” Lance said, voice tapering off as he yawned. He raised his brows in an attempt to keep his eyes open. 

 

Keith stared back at him, still big without the lenses. Lance watched him swallow hard and he might have been imagining things but it seemed like their faces were close. Like, really close. Keith licked his lips again.

 

“Keith,” Lance whispered because yes, their faces were definitely very close now and the walls seemed to have receded. 

 

“Is this okay?” Whispered a fingers width from Lance’s lips. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

And it may have been three years, but Keith still tasted like Keith. It wasn’t a taste Lance could describe. But it was Keith. And his lips moved with the same fire and passion that he remembered, although they were softer now. More intentional. Less reckless. More stable. More present. 

 

And Lance pushed back, letting his hands tangle in that long and familiar hair that was still soft and thick. Felt hands on his cheeks that were still calloused and cold. More hums of contentment as Lance pulled him into his lap that sounded the same. Same eager grinds into his lap. Same confident hands stripping him of his clothes. The same mouth traveling lower and lower and lower and- and- 

 

The same feeling of bliss as he clutched strong shoulders, back arching off the couch. The same soft kisses to his thighs that he would give every time. The same nose nuzzling against his neck. The same puffs of air in his ear as Keith fell asleep. 

 

The same man that he loved so long ago. 

 

The same man he might still love. 

  
  
  
  


_____________

  
  


THEN

 

_ Before I ever met you, I never knew I could be broken in so many ways _

_ -Banks  _

  
  
  
  


“So you’re just gonna leave?” Lance snapped, eyes wild and furious. 

 

“Obviously you don’t want me here so I figured I’d spare you the trouble,” Keith growled, stuffing his laptop in his backpack, forgetting the charger. Grabbing pants but no underwear. 

 

“Keith, you can’t be serious? I know you’re going through a lot right now but-” Lance just needed to get Keith to stay. Just needed one word to get through so he wouldn’t leave. 

 

“Oh, you do? You’ve barely looked at me all week!”

 

“What are you talking about?” Lance moved towards him, but Keith traveled to the other side of the apartment. God, please don’t go please, please. He could already feel tears streaking down his cheeks. They seemed to come unannounced these days. 

 

“You’re not the only one who needs fucking help around here Lance.” 

 

And that- that one stung. Cause the same exact words had been floating through his head for a while. That he was selfish. That he only thought about himself. That Keith deserved someone better. Someone who didn’t want to kill himself every other day. Someone who didn’t get anxiety attacks that caused Keith to have to leave work. Lance wasn’t a good boyfriend. Keith’s dad just died and Shiro was just reported missing in the war and he had been so occupied with his own fucking anxiety that he couldn’t even- 

 

“Lance!” 

 

Lance blinked at him. 

 

Keith scoffed. “Jesus Christ, that’s it.” 

 

And he was gone before Lance could pull himself together to beg him to stay. 

  
  


________________________

  
  


NOW

  
  


_ And was our time here spent in vain? _

_ With overdrawn ideas and forgotten names _

_ -Luca Fogale  _

  
  


Lance sat in his new apartment, slightly hungover and very anxious. Hunk was coming over in 10- he checked his phone- 5 minutes to help him unpack. He hadn’t even been in Seattle a week and he already did something stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Cause he slept with his ex. Or more like, he made out with his ex who then gave him a really good blow job before falling asleep on his chest. Granted it was totally his fault too because he definitely didn’t say no to any of it. In fact, he remembered being very eager about it. And he was because  _ damn _ . Keith knew how to kiss. And other things with his mouth. And it had been three years. So yeah. 

 

“Knock knock.” Hunk opened the door that Lance unlocked for him in the middle of his analysis of the previous night. 

 

“Hey.”

 

“How did you end up getting home last night man? Sorry I didn’t take you home, I was with Shay and then I stayed over at her place.”

 

Shay, Hunk’s girlfriend aka second kindest human on earth, second only to Hunk. 

 

“It’s all good, I uh- I stayed with someone too.”

 

Hunk sat on a stool by the kitchen counter with a smug look on his face. “Oh yeah? Did you have some New Years fun? Get a taste of some of local cuisine?” Hunk chuckled at his own euphemism. 

 

Lance chuckled weakly. “Uh, kinda.” Lance had woken up this morning on Keith’s couch. Keith was asleep on the floor, cradling a pillow and snoring softly. Lance booked it before Keith could wake up, taking the bus home and trying to not think about things too much. Which didn’t work. At all. 

 

Hunk eyed him. “Kinda? What does that mean?” 

 

Lance looked down at his hands. “Uh, well I did sleep with someone.”

 

Hunk leaned forward. “And? I sense a ‘but’ here.”

 

He should tell Hunk. He should because Hunk was his best friend and he would know how to handle this mind-fuck of a situation. Hunk would talk him down from wanting to move to Spain or something ridiculous like that and also from running to Keith’s feet and asking for his hand in marriage. And wow that was an extreme thought. Let’s be clear, Lance did not wanna marry Keith. Jesus christ. Yeah this is why he needed to tell Hunk. 

 

Okay. Just tell him. “Well I uh, kinda slept with. Keith.” 

 

Hunk blinked at him. “Like some random dude you’ve never met before named Keith?” Like he was hoping that it was indeed a random dude Lance had never met before named Keith. Lance didn’t know if that hurt or not. 

 

“No. No, it’s  _ Keith _ , Keith.” 

 

Hunk leaned back in his chair. “Well shit. What is he doing in Seattle?” 

 

“He’s lived here for a couple years.” 

 

“Shit.” 

 

Yeah, shit. 

 

Hunk sighed. “Well what- like how did it go down.”

 

Lance snorted. Go down. Well someone did. Anyways. Head out of the gutter. Lance explained the meeting and the tipsy-ness and the talking and the going back to Keith’s apartment and the other, uh stuff. 

 

“Wow. this is like sitcom man, you totally hooked up with your ex.” 

 

“I know.” Lance groaned, burying his face in his hands. “What do I do?” 

 

Hunk shrugged. “Do you wanna see him again?” 

 

Did he? His immediate no filter answer was yes. Of course he did. He wanted to hear Keith’s voice more than ever. And he felt really pathetic. His more filtered and thought through answer was that he should probably take a while to think it over.

 

“Kinda? I mean maybe just coffee-”

 

“I just don’t want you getting hurt again you know?” Hunk blurted out, like he had been holding that in for the whole conversation. 

 

“I won’t Hunk.” Lance wasn’t gonna let that happen. He’d fucking bolt out of the room if he felt like that was gonna happen. Well maybe not- he wasn’t that self aware. 

 

“Okay, I just- yeah. I just care about you man.” 

 

“I know.” Lance smiled, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

 

Just a simple text. That’s all. Keep it detached while slightly interesting.

  
  


**hey, would u wanna get coffee sometime? Catch up?**

  
  


The response came the next morning. 

 

_ sure, Coffee House tmrw at 10?  _

 

**sounds good!**

  
  


Was the exclamation point too much?

 

jesus fucking christ on a stick. 

  
  


*

 

Lance was fiddling too much. He should not have worn clothing with so many buttons cause if Keith didn’t get here soon he was gonna rip every one off of his shirt. 

 

The front door opened with a woosh, the sound of the rain amplifying for a second, before muting again when Keith stepped into the coffee shop, tearing the hood from his head, and flattening his hair out. He took his glasses off to wipe them on the hem of his long sleeve. 

 

Lance gave a small smile when Keith spotted him, heading over to sit across from him. 

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Keith slipped his glasses back on, curved frames magnifying his eyes for a moment. Lance forced his hands down and away from the goddamn buttons. 

 

“Uh, I haven't gotten anything yet so you wanna-” He nodded his head to the counter. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” Keith stood up and they went to get their drinks. Keith paid for him before he could fish his wallet out of his pocket. 

 

“Thanks.” Lance said, after the sat down, drinks in hand. 

 

Keith nodded, taking a sip. 

 

What do you say to your ex you haven't seen in three years? It’s not like people write about this on blogs or something. And Lance definitely didn’t look at breakup blogs until one am last night. This morning. Whatever. 

 

“So um, how have you been?” Keith started, cradling his mug with his hands. “I mean I know we talked the other night a bit, but to be honest it was a little hazy,” He chuckled nervously. 

 

Did- did Keith not remember what happened? 

 

“Um, Keith do you remember what happened new years eve? Like, after we left?”

 

Keith stared at him. “We left and then-” He looked down at his coffee, eyebrows lowering, threatening to drop into the mug. And Lance could see him deciphering the night. Filing through the memories that were hiding behind the curtain in his mind. 

 

And was Lance mad about that? Maybe a little. Because if Keith didn’t remember what had happened, then did he mean it? Did he mean to kiss Lance and- other stuff? Was it all just a drunken episode? 

 

“Keith, we- you seriously don’t remember?” Lance was really trying not to sound mad but he wasn’t doing a very good job. 

 

Keith looked very constipated. Which was a gross way to describe it but that was the truth. “Um-”

 

Yeeeah, that meant no. 

 

Lance let out a breath, just to show how annoyed he was. “Keith, oh my god.” a literal facepalm, head on the table. 

 

“Lance, geez I’m sorry okay?” Keith said, and it was vaguely reminiscent of some old fights they used to have. But, it was sincere? Regret lining his words. A softer tone. 

 

Lance chuckled. “You’re still such a lightweight.” 

 

That made Keith smile. “Whatever.” Keith cupped his drink again, looking nervous. “So uh, what- what did happen?”

 

Lance bit his lip. “Well, we went back to your place, and uh. You kind of kissed me?” 

 

“Kind of?”

 

“Well, you did. Kiss me. And other things-”

 

“Lance I’m not twelve. Just tell me.” Keith pursed his lips. 

 

“We kissed and then you uh, gave me a bj.” 

 

“Oh my god.” Keith’s turn for a facepalm. “Oh my god.” Another long groan. “Lance I’m so sorry- God I’m a fucking asshole.”

 

“Do you regret it?” Lance asked. Because he had to know. And yeah Lance probably should be more mad than he was but for some reason he- wasn’t? It wasn’t something he could really put into words or some kind of practical logic but he was actually okay. Okay with Keith forgetting. Maybe he was a more forgiving person now. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he was so desperate for this to go well that he was trying to avoid all possible conflict. Lance really wasn’t sure. 

 

Keith looked up, chewing on his lip. “Lance, no I- I don’t regret it. I just, I don’t think that’s-” He huffed in frustration. “That’s not the way I wanted things to go. That’s not how I wanted this to happen.”

 

God this was driving Lance crazy. “Wanted what to happen?” 

 

Keith shook his head. “I don’t know. This is all very- weird.”

 

“Yeah you could say that again.” An understatement of mass proportions. 

 

“This is all very weird.” Keith smirked. 

 

Lance snorted. “Jesus christ, Keith.”

 

Keith chuckled. “Sorry, couldn’t help it. Also frowning will give you wrinkles, don’t ya know.” 

 

Lance smiled. It felt good. The banter. The jokes. The casual smiles and shy smirks. It felt almost like normal. 

 

And they chatted some more. About Keith’s job. Lance’s process moving in. Keith’s surprise that Hunk lived in Seattle too. Lance asking how Shiro has been. They stayed clear of the break up era. Didn’t touch it out of fear. Fear that it would tear down the tiny amount of progress they had made in the past hour. The safe space they had created at their corner table by the window. 

 

“I’m glad we could do this Lance.” Keith said when they had finished, setting their mugs in the dirty dishes bin. 

 

“Me too.” Lance smiled. Cause he was. In some weird, maybe slightly twisted way, it felt good to just sit down and talk like they used to. 

 

They walked out the door, and lingered for a moment. The rain had slowed down, now just misting down around them. 

 

“Um, we should do this again?” Keith said, a question more than a suggestion. Seeking for Lance’s reaction. His approval. His agreeance. 

 

Lance nodded. “Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll text you? I start work on monday so I won’t be as free, and then also i’m still unpacking and all that so,” Lance shrugged. 

 

‘Well we’ll find a time that works for both of us.” Keith nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose. Which was cuter than Lance would like to admit. 

 

“Yeah.” Lance nodded again. Lots of nodding. Lots of hands in and out of pockets. Lots of uncertainty. 

 

“Okay, well I’ll see you around?” Keith said, taking a hesitant step back. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you.” Lance smiled.” 

 

“Bye.”

 

“Bye.” 

 

Lance walked back to his car. Desperately trying to not look back. But he did. And quickly looked away when he and Keith met eyes, both hiding smiles they were too nervous to show each other. 

  
  


*

  
  


Lance needed Hunk here. It was Sunday and Lance was rearranging the furniture he had bought at Ikea the day before. And a) he had no idea how to build things and b) he had no idea how to build things. He had really wanted to get most of his apartment done by the time he started work at the hospital. Winter quarter started the following week. He was about to have zero time in his life. 

 

Lance collapsed on the couch. The only thing that was in the right spot in his place so far. 

 

He took his phone out and scrolled through twitter. Debated calling Hunk. Decided to not bother him. Scrolled through instagram. Facebook just for the heck of it even though no one his age went on there anymore. Looked at the stupid bookshelf instructions again. Decided he’d do that another time. 

 

Looked at his last conversation with Keith. 

  
  


_ just parked.  _

 

**Okay, im by the window**

  
  


It was only two days ago. Should he make plans again? Was it too soon? 

 

Ugh. 

  
  


*

  
  


Turned out Lance didn’t need to text Keith. Later that night while he ate takeout on his couch, his phone buzzed. 

  
  


_ \- are you free anytime this week? I know you said you start work _

  
  


Lance’s heart should not have been pounding this hard. His palms should not be this sweaty geez louise. 

 

**\- yeah, i start tomorrow. But I’m free friday morning**

 

**\- if that works for you**

  
  


The answer was quick. 

  
  


\-  _ yeah, same place? Does 9 work? _

 

\-  **sounds good. I’ll see you there**

 

\-  _ see you  _

  
  
  


*

 

Hunk was the kindest person on earth. It was Monday night, Lance was halfway through his first shift at the hospital. Half going through training, half answering phones and filling out discharge papers. He’d watched doctors run down the halls, responding to codes and wished he could follow them. Wishing he could stop filling out goddamn paperwork and go save a life. Even just draw blood. Heck, even hold a bowl out for someone to vomit in. it was his first day and he was already suffering from FOMOSL. That’s, Fear Of Missing Out Saving Lives. 

 

His father would tell him that being a nurse didn’t mean you got to save lives. But that wasn’t true. People may think that the fancy surgeons were the ones doing all the work. But they didn’t know the patients. They didn’t watch them wake up every hour of the with pain. They didn’t run the tests that the patients needed. They didn’t see it. But Lance did. Lance saw the patients for who they truly were. People. People who needed a kind face and a laugh. Who needed gentle words and encouragement. Lance wanted to be that person. 

 

And because Hunk was a literal angel, he was holding a large coffee, full of sugar and full of caffeine. It was nearing midnight and Hunk had dropped it off for him with a smile. 

 

“Now try and stay awake.” Hunk winked at him. “I’m gonna go home and fall asleep,” he chuckled. “Shay is probably already sleeping.”

 

Lance smiled. “Alright, well thank you. You’re literally amazing and a god and I love you.” 

 

Hunk waved bye. “Love you too man!” 

 

Lance sipped at his drink, sighing into the steam floating from the top. Just a few more hours. Lance looked at the clock and willed it to be 5 am. Willed it to be two quarters later. Willed it to be any time but now. 

  
  
  


*

  
  


When Lance said he was free Friday he wasn’t really thinking much. And by that he meant that he probably shouldn’t have made plans immediately after an eleven hour night shift. 

 

Lance hadn’t changed out of his scrubs, not having the time to run home. His hair was a mess. His energy level was at a negative eight. Night shifts were brutal. Your body was begging you to go to sleep, wondering why it was still awake when it was dark out. But you had to force it awake. With pure thoughts and pure coffee. 

 

God he needed coffee. 

 

He arrived at the Coffee House before Keith and walked straight to the counter. 

 

“What can I get you?” The barista asked. Her ponytail swung as she walked up to the register. 

 

“Vanilla latte, with two extra shots please.” 

 

“Long night?” She smirked, she took his card. 

 

“Yeah night shifts are kicking my butt.” He chuckled weakly. 

 

“Oh man, well then this one is on the house.” She smiled, handing his card back. 

 

“Oh, thank you!” He smiled. Dang, maybe looking like death had its perks. 

 

“Of course.” She smiled, kind eyes looking at him before going over to make his drink. 

 

Lance leaned against a table as he waited, trying to not close his eyes and fall asleep. 

 

“Hey.”

 

Lance looked up and saw Keith, glasses on and his half his hair pulled back. Looking fresh and ready for the day. A definite opposite of how Lance looked. 

 

“Hey,” Lance attempted a cheerful smile. 

 

“You- alright?” Keith gave him a onceover. 

 

“Yeah, yeah just tired.” Lance grimaced. 

 

Keith frowned. “Well we can do this another time if-”

 

“No!” Lance realized he shouted when Keith’s eyes widened. “Uh, no I’m good.”

 

“Vanilla Latte, two shots!” The barista called out. Lance smiled at Keith one more time before walking to the counter to grab his drink. 

 

“Enjoy,” The girl said warmly. 

 

“Thanks,” Lance took a sip immediately, burning his tongue in the process. 

 

“Always so impatient.” Keith smirked. Lance rolled his eyes, sipping again and glaring into Keith’s stupidly pretty eyes. 

 

“Oh my god.” Keith laughed, going up to the counter to order. Lance smiled, rubbing his tongue along the roof of his mouth. 

 

They sat at the same table, Keith cradling his drink again with a nervous energy radiating around his shoulders. His eyes flitted back and forth, down and then to Lance. Lance was about to ask what the heck he kept looking at when-

 

“Uh, I think there’s something written on your-” Keith gestured to Lance’s cup. 

 

Lance picked it up, turning it around. Oh lord. A phone number. Written neatly in black sharpie with a small smiley face at the end. Lance looked up at the barista, who smiled at him shyly as she wiped the counter down. 

 

Lance looked down quickly, blushing. Damn looking like death apparently got you pretty far. If pretty far meant a free drink and a phone number. 

 

Keith was looking at him. Waiting for- some kind of reaction, no doubt. Lance knew that look. Jealousy. And it surprised him. Keith wasn’t a jealous person, was he? 

 

Keith cleared his throat. “You uh, you gonna text her?”

 

“Huh?” Lance held back a smirk, trying to make the innocent sounding response as natural as possible. 

 

“She gave you her number.” Keith shrugged. 

 

Lance was vaguely enjoying how uncomfortable Keith looked in his seat. And it made him feel something. Something that was confusing and exciting. Lance would probably have texted her. He would have been excited that a girl gave her his number.  But now, now Keith was sitting in front of him. 

 

“Maybe,” Lance shrugged. “But not now.” Lance watched Keith suppress a smile. 

 

“So, how was your first week of work?” 

 

“Kind of hell?” Lance laughed half at the terrible work week, half at Keith changing the subject. “I’m stuck on night shifts for a while until I can actually get a nursing position. And then I’ll probably still be on nights because of seniority shit and stuff. But hopefully I’ll actually be, ya know doing productive medical things- why are you smirking?”

 

Keith raised and eyebrow. “I’m not smirking.”

 

“Yes you are, you totally are.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I am not-”

 

“Keith, you can’t hide anything from me.” Lance rested his chin on his hands. 

 

Keith rolled his eyes. Again. “I was just thinking that you still know how to talk for the both of us.” 

 

Lance leaned back. “Hey! It’s not my fault that you- uh that you’re-”

 

“That I’m what?” Keith sipped his coffee, eyes peering over the edge. 

 

Lance sighed. “I don’t know I’m too tired to think of a comeback.” 

 

Keith snorted, taking the lid off and then huffing when it steamed up his glasses. 

 

“Oh my god.” Lance laughed. “Why don’t you just wear contacts or something?” 

 

Keith scowled. “I don’t wanna put plastic on my eyeballs.” He slipped them off and rubbed the lenses with the bottom of his shirt. 

 

“Oh my god you are ridiculous.” 

 

“Do you not like the glasses or something?” Keith crossed his arms. 

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “No they look like stupidly good on you but I’m just saying you wouldn’t have to clean them as often.”

 

Keith paused. “Stupidly good?” 

 

And it kind of just slipped out now that Lance had replayed what he said in his head. Because it was the truth but he definitely didn’t mean to say that out loud. Did not mean to at all. But now that it’s out there, well-

 

“Well uh, ya know. They suit your face.” Lance gestured towards Keith’s face. Which was still flawless and neat. He probably only washed his face with bar soap or something equally cringy. 

 

“I don’t use bar soap to wash my face.”

 

Oh jesus christ Lance needed to watch his head to mouth filter. 

 

“Well I just know you’re one to keep old habits.” And was that the right thing to say? Because Keith wasn’t saying anything. Because Lance had definitely been thinking about how he had messed up before and how there's a possibility of messing up again. He had been thinking about it a lot. Dwelling on the past way too much after only seeing Keith like, twice. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that.” Lance rushed to say, but not soon enough because his heart was attempting to escape his chest with his fast it was pounding. 

 

“Lance.” Keith leaned forward, suddenly way too serious for nine-thirty in the morning at a coffee shop. “I know I messed up. We both did. It wasn’t- it just wasn’t working.” 

 

Lance held his breath, very unsure of where Keith was going with this. 

 

“But I’m, different now. I mean I’m the same person, but, like a better version I guess. I hope, at least. I work hard at my job. I get lunch with Shiro every Sunday. I run three times a week. I wash my face and use moisturizer.” 

 

Lance smirked at that. “Wow, moisturizer?”

 

“Yeah,” Keith sighed a laugh, and it sounded like relief. “So I’m better. I’m good.”

 

“Like Keith 2.0?”

 

Keith laughed. “Keith 3.0.” 

 

Lance smiled, eyeing Keith carefully. He watched that determined and confident face. Those stupid glasses and that stupid half smile he did where only the left side of his lips lifted up. And he was terrified for a moment that he was going to get his heart broken again. But. 

 

But the man sitting in front of him made him feel the hope of something. Something new and familiar all at once. 

  
  


_________

  
  
  


THEN

 

_ As for our house, I’ll move out _

_ You can keep the dog we trained  _

_ Soon things will be like before I ever met you  _

_ Before I ever met you _

_ ~Banks  _

 

Lance had called Keith about twenty times. Since he left three days ago he hadn’t come by, hadn’t called, hadn’t texted. Lance hadn’t even seen him on campus anywhere. Lance had thought for a moment about contacting Shiro, but then he remembered that Shiro was still missing. 

 

God Lance was an asshole. Keith was an asshole. 

 

Lance had slept on the couch the past nights. It felt wrong to sleep in their bed by himself, even though Keith hadn’t been sleeping with him lately anyways. The apartment felt barren. Cold and unforgiving. He wished Hunk were here, but he was in Seattle for school. His own family was in Florida. He was completely alone. The tears came back and Lance hugged the pillow so hard he was sure it would disintegrate soon. He hadn’t realized how much he needed Keith. How much time he spent with him. How much he relied on him. He needed him so bad it hurt. He needed him he needed him he needed him 

 

Lance forced himself to go to class the next day, having skipped a few to stay at home and cry and sleep. Every time he’d see someone dressed in all black, or with shaggy black hair, his heart would race. Only to be disappointed again and again. Was Keith even going to his classes? Where was he sleeping? Was he eating enough? 

 

Lance couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts in his head. It was exhausting. Draining. Slowly chewing him up. He was just waiting to be spit back up again. 

 

*

 

When Lance had come back home from class a few days later, most of Keith’s stuff was gone. His laptop, shirts and pants, his phone charger, toothbrush. It made the apartment seem even bigger. More empty. More of nothingness. Lance looked around, hoping to find a note or something. Anything. He just needed to know where Keith was. If he was alright. 

 

Lance called him one more time. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

He didn’t speak for a moment, too surprised that Keith actually answered. 

 

“Lance?” Keith’s voice sounded hoarse, like he had just woken up. Or like he had been crying. 

 

“Keith, where are- how-” He couldn’t decide what question to ask. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.” He sounded tired. 

 

Lance felt like he was gonna cry. “Where- where are you staying.”

 

“With Adam.” 

 

Oh, that made sense. 

 

“Oh, okay.” Lance nodded, loosening his grip on his phone. 

 

“But I’m fine,” Keith said firmly. Who was he trying to convince? 

 

“Well can we- can we talk about stuff?” Lance struggled to get out.

 

“I don’t know Lance.” Keith whispered. “I think, I think it might be better to just,” Keith didn’t finish but Lance could read between the lines. 

 

“Just break up.”

 

Keith was silent. 

 

“That’s what you were going to say right?” 

 

“Lance, I don’t want this to be harder than it already is.” Keith sighed, sounding exhausted. 

 

“What do you mean?” Lance huffed. “You can’t just leave. I mean I know we’ve been having some fights and stuff but that doesn’t mean you just get to give up!” 

 

“Lance you gave up a long time ago. You don’t even try anymore.” Keith said, his voice even and emotionless, and it made Lance even more frustrated. “Is it even worth it?” 

 

Lance clenched his jaw, not sure if he was angry or upset or a combination of everything. Yes it was worth it please don’t leave please. “Well you haven't been much help lately either.” 

 

“Oh my god, Lance,” Keith growled. “Shiro is missing. Don’t you get that? He’s missing and in another country and he might be dead and they can’t find him, and I can’t do anything about it and my dad is dead and I can’t do anything about that either. And you don’t even care.” 

 

“Of course I care.” Lance tried not to yell back, tears were already trailing down his cheeks. They came unannounced these days. 

 

“Well that’s news to me.” Keith snapped before hanging up. 

 

Lance resisted the urge to chuck his phone at the wall and resorted to screaming into a pillow. Tears stained the fabric and made Lance’s throat go raw.

 

Later, he got a text from Keith. 

  
  


_ You can keep the apartment. I’ll be by tomorrow at 9am to get the rest of my stuff. Please don’t be there when I do.  _

  
  
  


_____________

  
  
  


NOW

 

_ So this is where we started, If I remember right  _

_ Stumbling through the alley, _

_ Swallowed in the night _

_ -Luca Fogale  _

  
  


Classes had started and what little sleep Lance was getting was substantially reduced. The only saving grace was the kind soul that was Hunk, and texting Keith. 

 

So yeah, had been texting Keith. It felt a little weird, like when they were first getting together. It mostly involved Lance sending Keith memes and then Keith reacting to said memes. Keith would stay up late with Lance when it was slow at the hospital. He would send him random facts to keep him interested when he couldn't pay attention in class. 

 

He had been talking to Hunk about it a lot. Hunk was still wary, his protective and skeptical nature keeping him from trusting Keith all the way. And Lance wasn’t saying that he trusted Keith yet. He still wasn’t sure what this was. What it could become. Lance was scared. But he was trying not to live in the past. Keith had changed. Lance had changed. They were older. More mature. 

 

Lance giggled as Keith sent him another snapchat video of his cat sprinting through his apartment. 

 

Lance responded with a cat filter selfie and the caption _ ‘ _ **i need to meet this cat asap** _ ’  _

 

Keith’s response was quick and also made Lance alarmingly aware that yeeaah Keith was not wearing a shirt in his selfie with his adorable cat. 

 

The image disappeared after a few seconds and Lance realized the one thing that he had not been thinking about was very present in his mind. 

 

Keith. Naked. Naked Keith. Sex with naked Keith. 

 

And yeah they had done that a lot in the past and Lance could conjure up some nice scenarios from those memories but- but now he was curious. Now he kinda wanted to know what Keith was like now. Was he still as passionate as he used to be? His one recent sexual encounter with Keith involved all clothes on and was over pretty quickly. So he had an idea, but now he wanted to know the full scope. The full, whole thing. Keith’s thing, if you will. 

 

And was Keith even aware that he sent a semi shirtless selfie? He must have. They’ve both sent each other countless before. 

 

Lance sent another selfie. And if he happened to receive one back, he wouldn't complain too much. 

 

And oohhh boy. 

 

Oh boy does he receive one back. It’s a video but it's just as good. Because in this one Keith is literally panning down his chest. His naked chest. I mean there is a cat laying on it which is probably the main reason and intention for the video. But still. 

 

And another note. Keith is jacked now. Like not in a gross-works-out-way-more-than-they-should kind of jacked. But it was a very respectable and very attractive kind of jacked. The kind that made Lance really wanna put his hands on his chest and do lots of other things. 

 

Lance decided to send another selfie,  _ ‘ _ **if only i could touch things through a screen** _ ’  _

 

Meaning the cat. And he realized like .7 seconds after he sent it that it might have come across as wanting to touch something other than Keith’s cat. 

 

He quickly sent off an  **‘I mean the cat’** and then a _ ‘ _ **obviously’**

 

Keith didn’t respond for a good minute. Longest minute of Lance’s life. 

 

_ ‘Haha okay sure’ _

 

Okay. 

 

So. 

 

Lance may have had Keith pretty well figured out. But Lance is still an oblivious mess. And it wasn’t like he was a magician and could read the exact tone of a typed out message. If Lance was home right now he might have sent a shirtless selfie back. Just to see how Keith would respond. But he was at work behind a desk in scrubs. 

 

_ ‘ _ **So what’s your cat’s name?** _ ’  _ He went with the safe option of changing the subject to something other than Keith’s toned and sexy torso. 

 

_ ‘ET _ **’**  Accompanied by another picture of his cat, now lounging by Keith’s legs. Which were covered, thank god. 

 

**‘Like as in Extra Terrestrial?** _ ’  _

 

**‘** _ Yep _ **’** Another cat picture. 

 

**‘And to think you would grow out of your alien obsession’**

 

_ ‘It is not an obsession’ _ Keith’s very serious face covered his screen this time. 

 

Lance sent a video of him rolling his eyes. 

 

Keith sent one back. Was it extremely sexy? Yes. Yes it was. But Lance held back. He didn’t know the protocol. He didn’t know what was happening between them. Was this an exes becoming friends kind thing or was it an exes getting back together thing? 

 

Lance sighed and went back to reading his textbook to pass the time in between snaps from Keith. 

  
  


*

 

So if someone asked you to go to a bar with them, was that a date? Because bars were definitely good and common date locations. But they were also good and common hang-out-with-friends locations. Ya know? So once again, Lance was stuck with deciphering Keith’s intentions with him as he decided what shirt to wear. He knew Keith was a sucker for a good button up, so he debated going with that if he was leaning more towards a date type scenario. But if it was just a friends thing, then Lance should wear a t shirt. Cause that’s not date material clothing. 

 

“Hunk, I need your help.” Lance sighed into the phone and explained his dilemma. 

 

“Dude, just ask him if it’s a date or not.” Hunk sighed, clearly tired of having this conversation for the fifth time in the past hour. But that wasn’t gonna stop Lance. 

 

“But then it sounds like I’m hoping it’s a date!”

 

“Well are you? Cause it could also sound like you’re hoping it’s just a friend thing. Depends on which one you emphasize.”

 

“I can’t implicitly emphasize something over text.” Lance flopped down on his bed, adjusting his belt as it dug into his stomach. 

 

“I mean ask him in person. When you get to the bar.”

 

“Oh.” Well Lance didn’t wanna do that. Cause that would be even harder.  

 

“Lance, just calm down, go meet him, and ask him. Simple as that.” 

 

“Easier said than done.” Lance groaned. “Thanks Hunk.”

 

“Bye buddy. Good luck!” 

 

Lance left his apartment in a t shirt under an undone button up. Little bit of both and he was good to go. 

  
  
  


Lance got to the bar and saw that it was incredibly crowded. It was Saturday night after all. Lance rolled up his sleeves, feeling a rush of warmth as soon as he walked in. After a few seconds of searching, he found Keith sitting at the bar, sipping on a beer. 

 

“Hey!” Lance practically shouted over the music blending unpleasantly with people yelling over each other. 

 

Keith look almost relieved when Lance went to stand by him, seeing as the seats on either side of Keith were taken, trapping him in. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

Lance could tell that Keith was seriously regretting his choice to come here. 

 

“Do you wanna-”

 

“I can’t hear you!” 

 

Lance leaned in besides Keith’s ear. “Do you wanna go somewhere else?”

 

Keith nodded furiously, shoulders relaxing and moving forward out of his seat. 

 

Lance grabbed Keith’s hand- definitely not on purpose, and that wasn’t sarcasm he swore- and guided him out of the crowded bar. He noticed Keith’s firm grip on his hand, almost as if he was afraid to let go. His hand lingered as they stepped outside and were greeted with the cool winter air. 

 

“Um, Sorry, I didn’t know it was gonna be that busy.” Keith huffed. 

 

“Well I looked up the place before I got here and there’s a band playing tonight, so that might be the reason.” Lance shrugged. 

 

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Well, uh what do you wanna do now?” 

 

Lance was able to get a better look at him now. Black jeans, maroon motorcycle jacket that Lance had borrowed many times over in the past. Black converse. Same glasses. He looked good, as always. 

 

“Well I don’t really know a lot of places here yet.” 

 

Keith smirked suddenly, magnified eyes lighting up. “I have an idea.” 

 

He grabbed Lance’s hand- Lance having to a great deal of composure so he didn’t combust- and they walked down the street. 

 

*

 

An arcade. 

 

Keith smiled and Lance couldn’t help but do the same. Because this is where they went on their first date. Not this exact arcade, but yeah. 

 

“Is this alright?” Keith looked nervous suddenly, probably because Lance was just staring at the sign and hadn’t said anything. 

 

“It’s perfect.” He grinned, a giddiness coming up from nowhere. 

 

They went inside and each bought a cup of tokens. Lance immediately made a competition out of it, determined to beat Keith in every game. He won at the pinball machine but that’s where his winning streak began and ended. Keith won literally every other thing they played. 

 

“Do you come here often or are you just some kind of arcade game god?” Lance pouted as they sat down at sticky tables sipping on sodas. 

 

Keith laughed and shrugged. “I don’t know, you tell me.”

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Well I at least have to beat you at one thing before we leave. And there’s no DDR machine in this place which is stupid.” Dance Dance Revolution was Lance’s thing. He always got perfect scores on that thing. 

 

“Guess you’ll have to do without your precious DDR.” Keith chuckled. 

 

They finished their drinks and wandered through the rows of games as Lance tried to find the perfect one to beat Keith at. 

 

“There’s nothing good here!” 

 

“You mean nothing you’re good at?” Keith smirked, leaning against the wall. 

 

“Ugh, fine you win let’s just go get some froyo or something.” 

 

Keith laughed again, and then slowed to a stop before they could leave. 

 

“Wait, we uh- we should go in the photo booth.” 

 

Lance blinked. “Huh?” Because that was uh- that was kinda-

 

“You always wanted to go in the photo booth when we went to the arcade.” Keith shrugged, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible. 

 

And Lance did always insist they go into the photo booth but- “Yeah, I mean that was when we were-” Dating. He was gonna say dating. But he didn’t. 

 

Keith shook his head. “We don’t have to, nevermind-”

 

And because Lance was either a fucking idiot or- “No, no we can.” He stepped forward. “Let’s do it.” 

 

Keith smiled his cute little half smile and they walked to the photo booth, cramming their two adult bodies inside. 

 

Keith slipped in a dollar and the camera counted down. And Lance smiled, his whole left side pressing into Keith, face suddenly very warm. Because this is a kissing scenario, right? The first photo sounded with the cheesy noise of a camera, Lance’s smile fading soon after. That’s what is underlying this whole thing. An impending kiss. A  _ second  _ first kiss, if you will. Well, they had kinda already kissed on new years eve but Lance was kinda not counting that one because he was not fully sober and to be honest totally not romantic so no, he wasn’t counting it.  

 

The second picture flashed, and Lance couldn’t really focus. Keith was saying his name. Or maybe he was imagining it? Because he was not sure what to do in this moment. Because here Keith was, pressed beside him. The Keith that tore him down and broke his heart so long ago. And it was so long ago. So why should he be worried about it now? What was Keith trying to do? Bringing him to an arcade. Photo booths. It was all to similar yet way to foreign. 

 

Lance practically leaped out of the booth, a confused Keith following him. 

 

“Lance?” 

 

He rushed outside, desperate for some air that was not filled with Keith. Air that wasn’t filled with past feelings he couldn't separate from present ones. 

 

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Keith stood behind him. 

 

“What- what is this?” Lance’s voice croaked- not proud of that at all but that’s fine he’s gonna push through it. 

 

“What?” 

 

He turned around, eyes firm. “I said, what is this Keith? What are you trying to do?”

 

Keith swallowed and stared at him. “I- I was just-” He stopped, mouth lingering open, searching for the right words to say. 

 

“I just need you tell me what you want so I can stop trying to fucking guess.” 

 

Keith looked borderline- well sad would be the only word for it. His eyes fell, lips turned downwards. “Lance, I- I just wanted us to...” He shook his head again, words trailing off.

 

But Lance knew. He could read between the lines. 

 

“So, you’re still in love with me?” Lance’s voice was impossibly small. 

 

Keith looked at him with those big, sad, sad eyes. “I said I’d always love you. And I meant it.” 

 

“We both said a lot of things.” 

 

“Well,” Keith wavered, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I still do Lance.” 

 

“Well what am I supposed to do about that.” And Lance knew he was being rude. God, he hadn’t changed at all. “Sorry, that’s- that’s not what I meant.” He could feel his hands shaking. 

 

There was a sliver of silence. Cars drove by and Lance thought about the abandon strip of photos sitting in the photo booth. 

 

“I’m just scared Keith,” Lance whispered, fighting against the tightness in his throat. Keith took a step forward. “I still have feelings for you, I’ll admit. I didn’t think I did until I saw you. But I’m scared.” 

 

“Me too.” Keith was a foot away now. “But we can be scared together. If that’s something you want.” 

 

Lance looked at Keith. His ex. The first really true love of his life. And he was now realizing, maybe the only love of his life. And oh god did he want it. Some part of him was craving it, fighting against the parts that said it probably wouldn’t work out. But he was just gonna push right past that shit. 

 

“Okay.” Lance nodded. He did want it. More than he thought he did, the fear pressing down any kind of long-term positive emotions to surface. 

 

And Lance was freaking terrified. But now that Keith’s lips were slowly pressing to his, it felt like coming home. 

  
  
  


______________ 


	2. Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slowly finding their way back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slightly angsty slightly soft ending 
> 
> this ones shorter than the last chapter- but enjoy my friends :)

NOW

 

_ So all I do is listen now  _

_ And hang around your door  _

_ Hoping to find safety here  _

_ Hoping to find warmth  _

_ -Luca Fogale  _

 

It was strange. Starting over, but not really. But it wasn’t quite picking up where you left off either. It was like a knitting project that you got all set up, you had your first stitch ready so you continue on, but you got distracted and never finished. Now Lance was digging the old yarn from the back of his closet and attempting to remember how to fucking knit. 

 

Lance immediately set down some ground rules. If they were gonna do this, there had to be some boundaries. Some starting parameters. 

 

Lance clutched his coffee firmly, his hands very warm but he was gonna stay strong and keep this semi-power pose going. 

 

“No sex. Not- not yet at least. And no like super heated make out sessions cause that’s just gonna frustrate me and make me wanna have sex with you but we’re not gonna do that.” 

 

Keith looked like he was about to laugh, but realized Lance’s seriousness and contained himself. 

 

“Another thing, no sleepovers yet. We’ll do dates, but no staying the night yet.” 

 

Keith nodded. Okay, good. Lance was good. Next rule. 

 

“No like, blaming each other. For what happened. I mean I wanna talk about it I guess cause I don’t think we should ignore it but, I wanna approach it like- ya know.” Lance wasn’t as confident with that one but Keith was nodding in agreeance so it must have been okay. 

 

Another nod from Keith. “So you don’t wanna talk about it?” 

 

Lance huffed. “No, I want to I just- I don’t want it to be a big thing.” And he was pretty sure that made no sense at all but Keith was nodding again so he must have understood. 

 

“Okay so, don’t talk about it yet- but when we do, do it in the right way.” Keith clarified, pushing his glasses up. 

 

“Yes.” Lance relaxed back in his chair. “Okay I’ve been talking too much- your turn.”

 

Keith searched the ceiling, tapping his fingers on the table. “Um, are we gonna like hang out with other people- like together? I mean I’ve already told Shiro about this and I’m assuming you’ve told Hunk.” 

 

The mention of Shiro brought back some bitter memories, but Lance pushed past them and promised his brain they’d be addressed at a later time. 

 

“Yeah I guess that’s fine. So are we gonna tell people we're just seeing each other or are we like dating-dating.” 

 

Keith smirked, before looking down at his hands. “I- don’t know. I’m apprehensive to call us boyfriends yet-”

 

“So let’s just hold off on that.” Lance quickly said, mind jumping to a conclusion faster than he thought. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Keith away with the looming cloud of commitment. Not that commitment was a bad thing. But it didn’t exactly lead to a lot of good in the past. 

 

“Okay.” Keith leaned back as well, and Lance watched his shoulders lower slowly. “What’s your kissing policy?” 

 

Lance snorted, because Keith had folded his hands on the table looking suddenly like a businessman, especially with the back button-up he was currently sporting. 

 

“What do you mean?” Lance smiled. 

 

“Like, can I kiss you when I want or-” He tapered off, silently asking Lance to finish his sentence. 

 

“Uh yeah man, sure.” Oh god this was starting to get awkward which is not what he needed right now. 

 

“Okay,” Keith lips lifted into a small smile and it eased Lance’s heart.

 

Keith pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the screen, frowning slightly. “Darn, my break is over. Maybe we can get dinner tomorrow night?” 

 

Lance got up as Keith did, following him out the door. “Yeah! I mean I have work in the evenings but any time before seven works for me.” 

 

“Okay.” Keith paused as he pocketed his phone, turning to face Lance. His feet shuffled from side to side, hands slipping into the pockets of his slim-fitting Chinos. 

 

Lance took a breath and stepped forward, placing a hand on Keith’s waist, not shocked at how nicely it fit, and pulled him closer. 

 

“Hi.” Keith blushed. 

 

Lance chuckled. “Hi.”

 

“You need something?” Keith quirked an eyebrow. 

 

Lance nodded, before tipping his head and pressing their lips together. Just as smooth and soft as the last time. Just as warm. Just as welcoming. Just as familiar. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lance whispered against his lips, pecking them one more time. 

 

“Okay,” Keith smiled, lingering close before breathing out and stepping away. 

 

Lance indulged in the way they both looked back at each other, before smirking and turning away. 

  
  
  


*

  
  


The following weeks went by quickly. Dinner and movie nights. Lazy kisses on the couch and shy glances that Lance recognized from back in college. He was hesitant sometimes though. Lance would say something about their past and his chest would clench as he waited for Keith’s reaction. Waiting for him to leave. To shout. 

 

But he wouldn’t. So Lance was fine. For now. 

 

Because now Lance was pouring a bag of chips into a bowl and waiting for their friends to come over. That’s right. Their friends. Because once upon a time they were all one big friend group. Sleeping in each other dorms. Poking them awake when they’d fall asleep studying. All-nighters. Movie nights. Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Allura. Adam came along later once Shiro got his head out of his ass and asked him out.  

 

Lance shoved a handful of doritos into his mouth, swallowing them down along with the anxiety looming over him. The cold spreading across his chest. 

 

“Shiro is on his way- are you eating all the chips?” Keith emerged from the bathroom, Hair a little wet and tied back into a small bun. 

 

Lance swallowed one more time, unchewed chips scratching their way down his throat, and put on a smile. “No, I’m just making sure they’re not poisoned.”

 

Keith smirked and walked over to press a kiss to Lance’s neck. “How very valiant of you.” 

 

“I thought so too.” 

 

The door interrupted Keith’s second kiss behind Lance’s ear. They met eyes and Lance swore there was something there- worry? Fear? 

 

He told himself that he was just projecting as Keith went to answer the door. That he had no reason to worry. That everything was going to be fine. That everyone was going to come together and watch movies like they used to. That everything was going to be like old times. Like normal. 

 

One look at Shiro told him that the night was not going to be normal. 

 

When Keith and Lance had split up, their lives were both falling apart. Lance’s depression and anxiety were destroying him from the inside out. Keith’s father had just died and Shiro had gone missing in Afghanistan. The only news that Lance was able to get was a text from Pidge saying that Shiro had been found and had been severely injured. But that he was going to be fine. Lance had never pressed for more because he knew that Pidge had been low key pissed at him at the time. Eventually, they came around and they met for coffee every once in a while when Lance still lived in California. 

 

Anyways. Now Shiro was taking up the bulk of the doorway, same warm, easy smile. Same kind eyes. Just, ya know, with one less arm….and a patch of silvery white hair hanging over his forehead. 

 

“Hey, Lance.” Shiro smiled, a little hesitant but still calming nonetheless. 

 

“Hey.” Lance let out a breath, still taking everything in. Trying not to stare at the lack of appendage. The white hair. The scar cutting across his nose. The guilt slowly rising up the back of his throat. 

 

“You could have helped me carry the food ‘Kashi.” A voice came up from behind Shiro. Adam emerged from behind holding two grocery bags and a six-pack of probably beer. 

 

“You’re plenty capable.” Shiro rolled his eyes, still smiling. 

 

Lance watched the exchange and found it so familiar. It was. The sweet banter that those two always had. It reminded him of Keith and his’ relationship. 

 

Keith had them come inside, Adam depositing the bags on the counter with an exaggerated grunt, shooting a glare at his partner. Lance went into the kitchen, helping Keith put the drinks in the fridge. 

 

“You okay?” Keith asked softly, not meeting his eyes as they robotically transferred cans to the shelves. 

 

Lance wasn’t really that okay. He really didn’t want to talk to Shiro because what the hell was he supposed to talk about? Certainly not anything that Shiro has been through. Certainly not anything Lance has been through. Or Keith. 

 

Keith must have sensed that Lance was spiraling because he brought a hand up to his face, still cold from moving the drinks. 

 

“Hey.” Keith eyes looked almost sad. “I know this is-” He looked down shaking his head. “I know this is weird. And it’s probably too soon and I really don’t know what I was thinking by doing this but-” 

 

“Keith it’s fine really.” It wasn’t but Lance was too scared to say that. Too scared to lose him again. 

 

Keith huffed, lowering his hand. “Shiro isn’t like- mad at you or anything. You know that right? And I’m not either. Or Adam, or anyone.” 

 

Lance was not going to cry he was not going to cry. 

 

“I know we still haven't talked about a lot about everything, but I just want us to-” Lance watched his mouth move, searching for the right words to say. 

 

“I don’t want us to take any steps backward. I don’t want you to be anxious around me or Shiro or-”

 

“I’m not.” He was like two minutes ago but that’s not the point because he could see how hard Keith was trying. To make him feel comfortable. To make him feel okay. 

 

Keith nodded. “Okay. Just talk to him like you talk to me, or Hunk. Shiro’s not gonna bite.” 

 

“I don’t know he’s looking pretty ripped these days.” Lance smirked, making Keith laugh. It made his heart calm a little. 

 

“Yeah well Adam has been pretty strict with his physical therapy.” Keith closed the fridge and poured the cheddar popcorn into another bowl. 

 

Lance nodded, leaning against the back of the counter. “Has he been- I don’t know. Okay, I guess?” 

 

Keith paused. “Yeah, he is now. I mean, the war is never going to leave him and I hate that. I hate that he has to go through that but,” Lance watched as Keith gazed out to the living room, where Shiro was laughing at something Adam was showing him on his phone. 

 

“He’s okay.” Keith smiled gently, pouring the rest of the popcorn. 

 

Lance melted at the fondness in Keith’s eyes. It made him feel a little guilt, but also proud. 

 

Lance’s worries slowly faded as Hunk arrived with Shay, and they all settled down to watch the movie. Keith was tucked into his side, head tipped onto his shoulder as they shared the large armchair beside the couch. It felt good. To be with everyone again. To chat with Shiro about work and school. To hear about Hunk and Shay’s summer travel plans. To watch Keith argue with his brother over which Back To The Future movie was better. 

 

The anxiety was still there. That Lance would screw up. That Keith would get mad. That Shiro would be bitter. But with Keith falling asleep beside him, puffs of warm air hitting his neck, he convinced himself that everything would be fine. 

  
  


*

  
  


Lance had been hunkered down in this coffee shop going on five hours now. It was nearing ten at night, and he was still sure that he was not going to pass his Bio Stats test. It was way too many numbers combined with way too many factors and yeah he knew that this is what he signed up for but still. It didn’t mean he couldn’t be struggling. Or wanting to chuck his textbook at the barista who chose the trumpet-heavy jazz music station. Lance turned his own lo-fi music up in his headphones and tried to be thankful that he didn’t have to work tonight. 

 

_ how’s the studying going?  _

 

He smiled wearily at the text from Keith, glad for the small break. 

 

**Terrible. My brain is gonna melt.**

 

_ Im sorry. U can come over tonight if u want?  _

 

**Like stay the night?**

  
  


Lance’s heart sped up. Staying the night was one of the rules he established a few weeks back. How long had it been? Almost a couple of months now? A little more? Lance rubbed his eyes and waited for Keith’s response. What if that wasn’t what Keith meant? But he wouldn't invite Lance over so late. Especially if Keith knew that he’d be super tired. 

  
  


_ If you want to. I know you said you didn’t want to do that yet though _

  
  


So that was what he meant. Lance stared at the text. He had laid down rules for himself for a reason. They weren't just for Keith. It was to make sure they were doing this right. That they could be responsible about it all. Lance’s body was telling him yes because of course he had thought about it. He was dating someone he used to have sex with all the time and now they were together again and very much not having sex so yes, he thought about it. But his much clearer-than-before mind was telling him not yet. Be patient. Take it slow. Be intentional. 

 

**Thanks, but i think i’ll just crash at home tonight**

 

He sent if off quick and put his phone in his pocket, ignoring any incoming messages buzzing against his thigh. He turned his music up again, and dove back into his textbook, trying to not think about how Keith might be reacting, or how he unintentionally just gave himself FOMO. 

  
  


*

  
  


Keith didn’t bring up their text conversation. Nor did he act strange during their next dinner and drinks date. 

 

“Does it feel good to not have to work tonight?” Keith sipped his beer, leaning elbows on the table. 

 

Lance sighed with a smile. “Ugh yes. So good.” Because working nights had been a bitch. Meaning that he had become to the Night Shifts bitch. He wished he could make the Night Shift  _ his  _ bitch but alas it just wasn’t in the cards when he also had school on top of that. 

 

“And it’s always the weirdos that come in at night too.” Lance shuddered before launching into a story about a person who looked like slender man. “I had to touch his hand to put the hospital bracelet on him and I swear his fingers were like a foot long each.” 

 

Keith laughed, setting his drink down so he wouldn’t spill. 

 

Lance smiled. Because it was so good to see that. The laughing. It meant that Keith wasn’t miffed by Lance saying no to staying the night. So everything was okay. 

 

After their drinks were empty Lance drove Keith the five blocks back to his apartment. The automatic overhead light in Lance’s car clicked on as he killed the engine, illuminating Keith’s face. 

 

“I’ll walk you up.” Lance said, grasping his keys and climbing out of the car. 

 

They walked side by side up to Keith’s place, stopping to linger at the door. 

 

“Wanna come in?” Keith smiled gently, linking fingers with Lance and turning to face him.

 

Lance tried to not show his reluctance, trying out different ways to phrase what he wanted to say in his head before saying it out loud. Before he could get anything out, Keith was leaning in, pressing an impossibly soft kiss to Lance’s lips, momentarily halting all thinking capacity. So Lance indulged for a moment, kissing back with the same softness, letting a hand linger on Keith’s waist, pressing a thumb to his hip bone. 

 

Keith pulled back with hooded eyes. “Yeah?” To coming inside- emphasized with a nod towards the door behind them. Which also alluded to staying over. 

 

Lance squeezed his hand lightly as if that would lighten the blow. Not that it was a blow- and that sentence doesn't make sense but- “I should head home. Got some reading to do before tomorrow anyways.” 

 

Keith's lips dropped for a moment. “You’ve been working so hard. It’s okay to take breaks every now and then.” He squeezed back his hand back. Probably for a different purpose than Lance’s. The hand squeeze, that is. 

 

Lance gave him a good ole ‘i’m sorry’ smile. “I know. Another time, yeah?” He kissed Keith’s cheek before disconnecting their hands- just a gentle slip away of the fingers with a good lingering effect that made it seem like Lance really didn’t want to go. And it’s not like he wanted to leave. He would probably much rather spend the night with Keith, if he was being completely honest. 

 

But he was gonna be smart about this. Take it slow. Stick to the barriers he had set for himself. Hold himself accountable. Adult-type stuff. 

 

Keith gave him a ‘aw damn’ smile back. “Okay, well drive safe.” 

 

“Will do.” Lance gave a much more real smile back and watched Keith walk inside. 

 

Lance only felt a little sorry for himself during the drive home. 

  
  


*

  
  


A week later Keith asked him again. 

 

It was late and the movie they were watching on Keith’s couch was coming to an end. Lance had already begun shuffling, leaning away from Keith’s shoulders and yawning. 

 

“You can stay over, if you want.” Keith rubbed his eyes under his glasses, looking over at Lance. 

 

It was easier to decline when it was over text, but now Keith was looking at him with sleepy eyes. Still warm from where Lance had been laying against him. 

 

“Um, I should probably be getting home.” 

 

He heard Keith sigh. 

 

“What.” Lance turned, more irritated than he wanted to be. 

 

“I just-” Keith pressed his lips together. “Nevermind.”

 

“No, tell me.” Because even though he really didn’t want to have this conversation he was gonna suck it up because he knew they probably should. Be adults and all that. 

 

Keith sat up from his casual lean against the back of the couch. “Why don’t you want to spend the night?” Always straight to the point. 

 

Lance searched for the right way to say what he wanted to, but words were coming out anyways. “Well... it’s one of our rules so-”

 

“Well, we can’t have those rules forever. Unless you don’t want this to go anywhere.” Damn. Yeah, straight to the point. A fucking arrow. 

 

Lance resisted a wince, the look on Keith’s face making him feel too many things at once. Too many old feelings resurfacing way too quick. 

 

“I do want this to go somewhere. It’s just-” Lance didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to ruin it all. “I don’t want to stay over  _ because  _ I want this to go somewhere.”

 

Keith scowled. “That- that doesn’t make any sense Lance.” 

 

He knew it didn’t but he didn’t want to say what he really meant- what he really felt because he didn’t want Keith to leave him again. 

 

Lance swallowed. “I- I’m just scared.” The quietness of his voice showed an extreme lack of confidence that he was not proud of but it was out there.

 

“Scared of what.” Keith’s eyebrows morphed into something of concern. 

 

“Of ruining this. Us, again.” Lance held back potential tears because he really wasn’t in the mood to cry. 

 

Keith's eyebrows released, his face relaxing in some expression that Lance couldn't decipher. 

 

“Lance,” Keith started, but his words left his mouth and ended there. 

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said that, that was...” Lance shook his head, because god he was so stupid. Just saying that out loud. He was so stupid fuck why did Keith even want to do this anyways he was such an idiot-

 

Warm hands cradled his face, forcing his thoughts to take a pause. Keith had scooted closer, staring into his eyes gently. 

 

“Lance you don’t have to apologize, and I’m- I’m not going to leave you again.” And fuck, Keith’s eyes had this intense and comforting earnest look to them that made Lance’s heart clench. 

 

He let out a breath. “I know I just-” He didn’t know but- “I just can’t get rid of everything. Of what happened with us. How I screwed up and-”

 

“We both screwed up Lance. We were immature and going through a lot of shit that was too much for us to handle while we were together.” 

 

Lance was crying now, salty tears slipping over his lips. “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure what for but he felt like he should say it and by now it had just become a habit. 

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Keith pressed his forehead to Lance’s. Lance reached forward to clutch Keith’s sweater in his hands. He just needed to hold onto something, to anything because he hated how his chest felt and how his throat felt. Keith breathed in slowly, in and out, silently asking Lance to do the same. To breath with him. To take in the good and breath out the bad. Breath out the hurt and confusion and guilt. The shame and regret. To take in the possibility. To breath in the sliver of hope that Lance felt in Keith’s hands as he wiped away the wet tears on his cheeks. 

 

“I’m not going to leave you.” Keith whispered, lips millimeters away from Lance’s. 

 

Lance nodded, breathing in the same air as Keith, in and out. Slowly and carefully. 

 

“I’m not gonna leave either.” And Lance meant it in a different way. Where Keith left physically, Lance left mentally. He had checked out and become empty and hollow. 

 

Keith kissed him so softly Lance wasn’t sure he did at all. 

 

“Can I stay the night?” 

 

And Lance wasn’t sure why he asked that- but he felt it. Deep in his bones and his stomach. He felt that it was okay. It was time. He let his shoulders release, along with the tension he had been holding there for the past few months. Since he and Keith had reunited. He allowed himself to relax and lean into it. Lean into them. Lean into their future. To dip his toes in a feel out the waters. 

 

Keith pulled away and smiled, taking Lance’s hand gently. 

 

Taking him with him, they walked together down the hall, stripping off clothes and sliding under the sheets. Lance curled himself into Keith’s chest, and Keith’s hands threaded through his short hair. Hands Lance knew would be there in the morning. Listened to breaths he would feel when he woke up. 

 

A kiss to his temple and he was falling asleep, tucked into warmth and possibility and hope. 

  
  
  


____________

  
  
  
  
  


LATER 

 

_ Maybe I’ll find shelter  _

_ In your arms,  _

_ Maybe I’ll find shelter  _

_ In your arms _

_ -Luca Fogale  _

  
  


Lance never thought that he would be with Keith again. It was never in the realm of possibility. He hadn't let the thought enter his mind. He definitely hadn’t thought he’d be moving in with him six years later. 

 

They had waited a while to live together. Took their time. Relearned how to be together. Grew with each other. 

 

But now Lance’s stuff was in Keith’s apartment and now they shared a bed every night. And it wasn’t like it used to be. They used to be young and stupid and reckless. After all that had been torn down and rebuilt, only trust and affection were left. 

 

And love. 

 

Lance loved him. And Keith loved him back. Again, after all the years apart. After all the hurt and the sadness. 

 

Keith loved him. 

 

Lance still found it hard to believe, but Keith wouldn’t let him forget it. 

 

“Lance I bought that weird sparkling water drink you like.” Keith walked into their apartment with two grocery bags, plopping them on the counter. 

 

Lance slid down the hall when he heard him in the kitchen. “Really?” He shimmied over to hug him from behind before Keith could become busy with putting everything away. 

 

“Yeah, and I only got five weird looks from people around me,” Keith smirked. 

 

“Ha. Ha. You’re so hilarious, when does your comedy special air on Netflix.” Lance droned, but still pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. 

 

Keith snickered and tilted his head to the side to kiss him back. “When do you have to leave for work?” 

 

“In like half an hour.” Lance sighed. He actually had a real actual nursing job now- but he was still on nights. It was rough, and even though Keith was usually was at work during the day, sleeping when the sun was still up was no easy feat. Keith would get home from work in the evening and Lance would be just about to leave.

 

If this had been their situation back in college, it would have never worked. That’s how Lance knew they were good. Solid. Sure. 

 

If they could stay in love while only seeing each other a total of four hours a day, then he knew that they were gonna make it. It was refreshing and calming all at once, a breath of fresh air- but air that you were familiar with. 

 

“Dang. Maybe we can get dinner your night off or something. Or breakfast. Whatever.” Keith pulled away to put the food away, Lance joining him. 

 

“Sounds good.” He smiled, glancing at their shared calendar hanging on the wall. “And I hope you haven't planned anything for our anniversary next week and I also hope that you asked for Friday and Saturday off.” Lance pointed to the days on the calendar. 

 

Keith lifted an eyebrow, holding a bag of rice in his hands. “Oh yeah? And what plans have you made?” 

 

“Depends on if you got the days off or not.” Lance snatched the bag from his hands and smacked his side with it. 

 

“Geez, okay.” Keith laughed. “And yes I did, as you requested weeks ago.”

 

“Good.” The rice was placed safely on the shelf. 

 

“Now. Plans? Details?” Keith slid his hands onto Lance’s hips, pulling him closer. 

 

“Ah ah ah, now that’s a surprise.” Lance pressed his index finger to Keith’s sternum, deciding to drag it down his torso. 

 

Keith watched Lance’s finger with amusement, humming a laugh. “A surprise? You’re gonna have to tell me at least something.”

 

Lance was enjoying this. Keith’s hands on his hips. Groceries have unpacked on the counter. Keith eagerly waiting for the next detail. He loved it all. Every baby hair sticking out near Keith’s ears. Every mole on Keith’s arms. Every quiet evening. Every busy morning. Everything in between. 

 

“It does involve packing some things and driving somewhere to spend the night.” 

 

Keith nodded sagely. “Okay, okay so it’s driving distance. One night stay. What will I need to pack?”

 

“Oh I got that covered babe.” Lance smiled, kissing down his jaw. “You don’t need to worry ‘bout a thing.” 

 

“Hmmkay.” Keith hummed, tipping his head as Lance traveled to his neck. 

 

He loved this. The way Keith held him. The sounds he made as Lance kissed him on the lips, diving deeper, pulling him closer. He loved the way Keith loved him back. With passion and tender care. With intention and consideration. 

 

He loved the way that he didn’t have to worry. He didn’t have to wonder if Keith was going to come home after work. Or if Lance would fade away into nothing. And even if any of that happened, they’d find their way back. Back to each other. Back to safety. Back to warmth. Back to shelter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


the end. 


End file.
